tell me i'm a wreck, say that i'm a mess

i needed this show tonight. every avenue tells the story of my life and it's shitty relationships, and singer from the cab said that "i'll run" is about hope, and i almost lost it during that song. i needed to scream out those words until i couldn't breathe, and almost start to cry. "think of you later in my empty room where i fall asleep alone", "have a little faith in me".

music is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore, once recorded, the words stay the same (for the most part), but the meaning never changes. a song could mean one thing when it was written, but your personal meaning is the one that matters to you.

i could really use a wish right now

my knee is shot. there is a tear and degenerative changes. not allowed to dance for i don't know how long, and i'm going nuts. i need to dance it out, and i can't. there is so much bottled up that i can't get rid of, and writing only helps so much.

spent $1,000 since wednesday, i have a shopping problem. i went shopping to buy: a bra, undies, and sweatpants, and wound up with a $200 bag and a $150 necklace, and i've also bought concert tickets, another necklace for $125, $25 earrings, and some other things. i just can't stop. i guess this is my way of coping with everything since i'm not allowed to dance.

when repetition ends, we'll start over

things just keep getting worse. parents are taking a break. divorce could be next. when i think things are bad, they just get worse. it's like a sinkhole, just keeps getting deeper and deeper, with no end in sight.

go on take your best shot, they can never find our secret hiding spot

another late night feeling sorry for myself. i really hate that many of my friends are: in long-term relationships, married, or engaged, and me, at 22, well i've never even been on a date. am i ever going to find someone? someone who i love, who loves me back? almost every guy that i have ever liked has never liked me back, and the few that have liked me: i wasn't attracted to them at all, and/or they were only attracted to anything with boobs. and then there was the 1 guy that i liked, who i thought liked me back, who stopped talking to me after we hung out. i just wanna meet someone and feel those butterflies. in person, not online- i'd rather be a cat lady then sign up for online dating. i'm so tired of being so lonely.

"the greatest thing that you'll ever learn is to love, and to be loved in return"- when will that happen for me?

you've left me speechless

jobless, in debt, and lonely is what describes me right now. i don't know what i'm going to do. maybe i am better off dead.

i feel like i have no one to really talk to anymore. no one understands how fucked i am right now.

happy 300 posts, i guess.