you're stronger than you know

i'm so confused. i want to sit in a dark room and cry (oh how "emo" of me). i don't know what i want to do with my life anymore. i'm so sick of myself.

Sweetheart, bitter heart, now I can't tell you apart

things are starting to get better at home.

we've only been back for a week and the drama has already started.

i'm just a face for every picture, a smile for your scrapbooks, and a story to be told

don't be paranoid, it doesn't sound ridiculous, and feel better. and you totally wrote that before you taped fuse!

my dad still isn't talking to me or my mom. i noticed that all of the bottles of my brother's pills aren't in the medicine cabinet, and him and my dad are going to pennsylvania for something this weekend, but the pills missing are worrying me. i shouldn't be, but i am.

why are we all so two-faced? we all talk about each other behind each other's backs; not inviting her to go out to eat because she's annoying? i thought that she was your best friend, and those guys were so dumb, i felt my iq drop from being around them. i am really sick of you right now.

you fat bitch, stop posting ock board comments on myspace. you're not a part of the "world's most hated" crew, your little name for yours is lame, and you're just fucking annoying. you want them all to yourself, and i know it. and if you're nice to me the next time i see you, i'll punch you in your fucking face.

i saw the used last night, and they were amazing, but i wish that they played more old stuff.

this is side one, flip me over

i had an amazing day with my boys, i wound up going to both tapings (fuck mtv) and i got to hear "dead on arrival" live for the very first time, when the vjs announced that the guys were going to play it, i gasped and was so happy, pete smiled at me when he saw how excited i got because that was one of the first songs that i heard from them 3/4 years ago, and its my favorite.

you're all fake. okay, we lied to get in, we thought that if we said that we were at the other taping, that we wouldn't be allowed in, so we thought that we had to lie. they also embarrassed one of us on tv, so she was really upset and wanted to get out of there. you're not one to talk, you fucking stole wristbands from them and ran off, if i see you there next week, trying to get in with them, i will fucking slap you. i thought we were friends, and you're calling us greedy and shady because we went to both?!

infinity on high to infinity on low in .2 seconds.

i've got headaches and bad luck, but they couldn't touch you; oh no.

i need to talk to someone badly. i'm really upset, but i don't want to call any of my friends because i don't want to scare them, i need to talk to someone that doesn't know the whole story, that i can trust with my secrets.

pleasepleaseplease respond to my bulletin, i think you're the one that i need to talk to.

first you say you won't, then you say you will

still no word, this is hurting me so much, what did i do to deserve this?

started thinking about cutting again. relax, relapse, relax, relapse again. its like a vicious cycle, i relapse every few years and create more scars that i'm ashamed of. the only thing that's been keeping me happy and hopeful is a wonderful career opportunity from mtv, and fob tomorrow morning. fob have actually helped me through a lot, i discovered them in the middle of the worst year of my life, and they cheered me up, gave me hope, and made me smile, and i can't thank them enough for it.

i really don't like you, stop posting every aspect of your life on myspace. and stop denying that you're talking about different guys in bands, we all know that you are, so stop lying about it.

i'm hanging off of every word you said.

did you scream enough to make her cry?

my father hasn't spoken to my mother and i since wednesday. i tried telling him something and he asked me if i thought he cared. this is really upsetting, i feel like he hates us. i came close to walking out of my house yesterday because i couldn't deal with being ignored anymore. i wish i had the funds to move out of here.

school is back, and its awful. dance history is a joke, we sit there and watch movies and take notes on them, and modern is just awful. i still have that incomplete looming overhead from last semester, i need to do my final just so i can get a grade in that class.

fob on tuesday, i'm excited, an hour and a half with my 4 favorite boys and the ock girls, its gonna be awesome.

i decided that out of all of the fbr/decaydance boys, brendon is the one that i would date.