i may never sleep tonight, as long as you're still burning bright

i know i'll never be what you want, and it kills me.

comments about my body kill me inside. make me not want to eat at all. fuck you.

things have changed for me, and that's okay

things are getting brighter. still hate myself, but i'm surviving my classes, and my family is sort of whole again.

doing big things and going places.

you're really driving me nuts. just. just stop. i want an answer. evidence that you're into her, and not me. something concrete.

i want your bad romance

159.8 this morning, but i blew it. i keep sabotaging myself, what is my problem. sososo close, yet so far.

stop confusing me, please. please stop. i can't take it anymore. this is frustrating beyond belief.

(i hate being a girl right now. period + this shit = easily depressed)

there's no doubt that you found out that you can't live without this

most of the bands that i saw today forge a connection to different times of my life dealing with different boys. a skylit drive brought me back to summer 2008, driving around with him, listening to them, especially "i'm not a thief, i'm a treasure hunter". every avenue and "a story to tell your friends" brought those feelings flooding back. simple plan was a throwback to 2002, and all the shit he put me through (and still occasionally does). as depressing as it was for me, i needed to hear those songs.

and i thought of you during the devil wears prada. as much as i love music, its days like this that i hate it.

its funny. you think i have it all, and i don't. i am incredibly uncomfortable in my body. i hate it so much. i really don't know who, or what i want in my life anymore. well, i know who i want, but i'll never have him. i'll be alone forever, and i really don't want to be.

see you space cowboy

please stop being so perfect.

i'm so confused, its not even funny.

7lbs away from my lowest weight at this height, i can't get out of the 160s. stuck at 163/164, this is driving me nuts. soclosetoit

i'm on the edge with you

you're so cute, don't leave me. please.

mixed signals suck. what's with this sudden invasion of personal space? are you like that with everyone? are you into her? i'm so fucking lost. i just want a concrete signal from you.

that picture you posted gave me hope. maybe i don't need bones jutting out or a gap between my thighs for you to be into me. at peace, finally?

you put your arms around me, and i'm home

new job. new me. new life.

working once again, its a good paying job.

down a few lbs, need to be down more. goal is 5 more by the 24th.

family is slowly mending. i hope things get kind of back to the way they were.

and takes a moment to assess the sins she’s paid for

so the panic! show. holy shit. i was practically on the stage, there is nothing better than being so close to one of your favorite bands, i'm anti-barricade.

school is already driving me nuts, i just hate the people that i have to do group projects with. just because you hate the school doesn't mean that you have to bitch about it every 5 minutes.

i hate valentine's day.

say what you mean, tell me i’m right

i'm a bit late, but hello 2011. same shit, different year. 3.52gpa, unemployed, fat, same as always. family is still shitty, and i still hate everyone.

first show of the year is coming up on tuesday- panic! at the disco. no one understands how much i need this show. i never left the bandwagon, i was always there, but its hard to be openly supportive if there is no music to support.

spring semester is about to begin, joy.