what a shame we all became such fragile, broken things

my parababies are now double platinum. i can't believe that, i began listening to them about 2 1/2 years ago, and i never dreamed of them getting to be this big. i do wish i could rewind to last may and relive that show with a venue with just 500 other people that love them as much as i do. my heart means so much to me, and the new verison was amazing.

i almost began crying when jm played "dark blue" because i immediately thought of that asshole. we quoted it to each other the first night we first began talking to each other. when i realized that, i was tearing up and it felt like i had a hole ripped in my chest. i tried to not think of him, but it was so hard.

i hate my college.

then we'll turn it up and we'll play a little faster

year 4, here we go. i'm so blah about this year starting, i could honestly care less. i'm not nervous or excited at all. it better be a good one.

the cfob mix is amazing. the paul revere jumpsuit apparatus needs to come here right now and play nearly witches just for me. and it took 4 listens, but i'm finally getting into the new tai cd. its like they found the middle ground between santi and almost here. some songs are reminiscent of the earlier cds, but others are just a whole new sound.

beware! cougar! is a situation reversed.

we must reinvent love

madness is best when undefined. if they can't understand it, don't explain it to them. and the new song is superb.

am i evil? i checked his myspace, and they broke up. it gave me... some sort of satisfaction to see that.

i am a citizen for our betterment, and its time to make a change in this world.

left for dead, in the sun rotting

sometimes, i disgust myself. 6 year age difference, and yet, i'm still insanely attracted to him, ugh.

i need to forget about you.

the little things, little things made me who i am today

i'm on the cusp of my 4th year of college. its hard to believe i've come this far, and lived this long.

starting to have thoughts of self-infliction again. putting a knife under my skin and slicing; skinning myself alive. i'm so fucked up.

i'm becoming disgusted by food. my thoughts are "that looks like a bug" or whatever, and its keeping me from eating. i wish i could look inside my head to see what exactly is going on in there.

sometimes i wish there was a way to view my dreams after i have them. i hate remembering fragments and trying to piece them together.

good charlotte last tuesday made my life. i've been a fan for over 7 years, and i don't think i've been that emotional at a show. i screamed, i sang, and i cried, it was amazing. especially because i was on the barricade.

i want to go back to that gorgeous place so badly. i keep on thinking of how pretty and peaceful it was, and how the water was the same color blue as the sky, and there was nothing in the horizon except for the ocean.

its not what good girls do

every time i become hopeful, it all dies. fucking engaged. ENGAGED.

i'm 20, i should be with the boy i'm gonna marry by now. i'm so pathetic. never been kissed, never dated, always have been the friend, nothing more. and yet i'm terrified of a relationship.