i came here to make you dance tonight

i'm so worried about her. i'm scared that i'm going to lose her. she needs more help than i can possibly give her.

petrified. scared. worried. fearful.

sleep with a ghost

she cut herself the other day. i can't go through this again, i'm not stable enough, i feel like i can't be there for her as much as she needs me. i'm so scared of losing her again. i wanted to cry when she showed them to me, i never thought that i'd see those again. itsjunioryearalloveragain

you took me hostage and made your demands

i need to pick up a pen and write again, i have so much bottled up inside that i need to let out. this helps so much, but i miss writing fiction so much, and i feel like maybe if i start writing it again, i'll feel better. heartache, tears, loneliness, its all there, and i need to let it out before i break again. i will not get to the way i was 4 years ago, when my "perfect" world was changed and i went through a breakdown because i was trying to be strong for someone, when i just couldn't. i'll never forget seeing the indentations of a blade pressed into her arms, and then sobbing into her voicemail that night... innocence was lost and insanity was gained.

we were young, we never cared, and now we're scared of jumping in

over 200 entries of my rambling have been posted to this lovely little blog, but i doubt that the right people are reading it.

i need to stop dwelling so much on the past and focus on the future.

i was told today to not hold back because "you will regret not taking the chance to be the millionth most amazing version of yourself that you are.", and i really have to keep that in mind because that came from someone that i greatly admire.

i feel like i've been replacing my friends with new people, i haven't seen people that i've known for over 15 years in months, and yet i'm hanging out with random people that i barely know or know from myspace, and i feel horrible for doing this. i still love my old friends, but i love hanging out with my new ones.

sosososo awkward. nothing feels right.