sweetie, you had me

i can never be happy, can i? i'll always be that girl that practically shares a brain with you because we're so similar, but will just be your friend. i'm weird, i'm strange, i'm unstable, but i'm better than any girl you'll ever have. can't you see that i want to be more than a friend?

merry fucking christmas to me. ending it in tears. tears of jealousy? saddness? i have no clue anymore how i feel. i'm such a mess of jumbled emotions, i don't know where one ends, and another begins.

no guy will ever see me more as just a friend. am i doomed to be alone forever? 21 soon, and definitely not invincible.

honey is for bees, silly bear

thank god this semester is finally over. this was the first time that i actually began to doubt myself as a student. i was told by 2 professors that i should drop their courses, but i stuck through it. i don't know if that was a good, or bad decision. i'll find out when i get my grades, but i hope i made the right choices. i have never felt so hopeless and ready to give up, i spent too many days crying over these classes and their ridiculous assignments.

this time next year, i'll be preparing for my graduation. and then what? i don't really want to teach, but it is my major. i feel like i'm not creative enough to come up with lessons and activities each day, and i don't think that i'm capable of teaching. i want to spend my days dancing, and marry that boy, who has enough money to support me so i no longer have to worry about having a real job. i can dream, can't i?

i feel like i need to pull my head out of the clouds, and realize what i need to do with my life. enough fucking around, did i choose a major that i want, or did i make the wrong decision? i need to open my eyes and see my options with guys, i feel like i'm shutting myself in, and may not see what could be right in front of me.

but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

keep my fucking name out of your mouth, and off of your myspace. got it?!

drama free for months, and now this shit starts again. i can live without it, can't you?

i've forgotten how to sing

fucking pissed right now. that professor is such a douchebag, i fucking took a chance and did a badass job on that report and you were the one that told us to divide the work, so i obviously couldn't write about something that i didn't do.

last night was epic besides stupid fat shittalkers and lack of my boys. gaskarth officially loves my friend, and i'm pretty sure that the fangirls wanted to kill us.

also, we have the most ridiculous lives. shit happens to us that doesn't happen to anyone else, and i love it. thursday is gonna be ridiculous.

also, happy folie a deux day. its a madness that is now all over the world.

but what makes you so special???

w.a.m.s. is our song. you've been putting my head in such a flurry for years now. i hope they play that tomorrow night.

midnight show?? i guess that's for the kids like us that stay up late and think too much.

almost done. i can do this, i think. i feel like i need more time in a day to get my work done. i'll sleep when i'm dead.

doing lines of dust and sweat off of last night's stage

i finally have blogging on the go, fuck yes.

thank you. see you boys on Monday!!

i'm scared of myself.

detox just to retox

holy shit. this cd is epic. they're back, and i love it. some songs are kind of "ehhh", but there aren't any that i skip (unlike pretty. odd.). each song is just amazing. "20 dollar nose bleed" is easily my favorite song, musically. its so much fun, despite the fact that it is essentially about Benzadrine. it makes me sad to think that this may be their last cd, but i love it.

so fucking sad i can't go on tuesday. i haven't been to a real fob show since july 7th of last year. all of the shows that i've been to since then were tapings for tv shows, so 1.5-3 songs, that's it. i need a real show, with singalongs, tears, and dancing, just like my first show. it pisses me off that other people that are just in it for the looks are going, they don't deserve to call themselves fans. '03-forever boys, just remember that.

finally on a weight loss medicine. i feel like i'm a failure. i enjoy the injections too much, i love stabbing myself 2x a day, i really do. it feels so good when i put the needle in. my benzadrine.

sometimes, my life makes me laugh. a lot. shit happens to me that happens to no one else, and sometimes its so ridiculous.

i missed your skin when you were east

i just don't know anymore. i want so many people just out of my life, and they'll never be out of it. we have mutual (if you could call it that) friends, and go to the same shows. we all try to be cordial to one another, but its all so fake. i'm so sick of it.

hey bitch- nice job taking a stab at my bff. it was her fucking bday, and i'm wearing the same shit to the show on the 18th- OH WAIT, YOU CAN'T GO, IT SOLD OUT. tough luck bitch.

congrats to pete and ashlee!! so glad your boy is healthy and happy, i'm really happy for you guys.

what a catch

i can't wait for this semester to end, its been driving me mad. work piles up, and i have several major projects just around the corner.

wentz baby watch is on. good luck to them, i hope that their baby is happy and healthy.

saw my fobs on sunday, felt like old times. i missed them too much, i didn't realize how much i needed them back in my life. and i want the new cd now, i love all of the leaked tracks, they're so amazing. and reminiscent of tttyg, which makes me extremely happy.

glad i didn't go to tai/cobra this week, i didn't need the drama. even though i miss both bands, it was the first tai show i've missed since hct 07, and first cobra show i've missed this year, i've seen them 7 times since January, and i miss them. and ftsk. even though they're not mine, i wish i was there too see them again, at least jonathan recognizes me.

gained weight, it went to my ass/thighs, just wonderful. and i just ate cookie dough, good job fatass.

welcome to the new administration!

my heart is literally swelling right now. he gave such an amazing speech. i am so happy. i have tears in my eyes, this is so amazing. i can't believe this, i really can't. i wish i could have voted, my registration stuff got lost in the mail, but just to see this happen is so amazing. i believed in change, and i can't wait for it to happen.

everybody scream

panic will officially be a part of my life forever on saturday. i'm getting "give your feet a chance, they'll do all the thinking" from pas de cheval tattooed on my wrist. very impulsive, but it means a lot to me because after dancing for 17 years, my feet do have a brain. i can't wait to show it to my giiiiiirl, she'll love it, especially because she named the song.

i can't believe how low i stooped saturday night. i'm that desparate that i lowered my standards to that?! i did not appreciate having my tits grabbed by someone i just met- its one thing if its a friend, not a person that's basically a stranger. stop meant stop, you asshole.

obama '08- we need change

northern downpour sends its love

tonight was perfect, simply perfect. brendon is the cutest thing ever, omg, il him. I SAW YOU MR. ROSS. fucking creeper. wtf, how the fuck did he spot me? i love m&g, its always an interesting experience with mr. urie- what's up? nothing, just chilling, taking some pictures!; i love that kid.

i almost cried during: "1, 2, 3, 4", "hey there delilah", dashboard's set, and "northern downpour". fuck my life.

thank you deleon... you're the best.

i got a drumstick 'cause it landed on my boobs, haha. they're good for something!

drama drama everywhere.

you were the only face i've ever known

omg, so drunk right now, its amazing. vodka is my biffle. i need to sober up in a 1/2 hour.

been thinking a lot lately about how i'm in over my head at school. too many credits, ancient culture is killing me.

that boy. god i hate him. but i think i love him. he is the only boy that i've ever felt so strongly about.

calling ME a whore? honey, talk about pot calling a kettle black!!!!!! at least i don't need to blow people to get what i want, and i can dress for my body type.

i want to be more than a phonecall at 4am

won m&g with my boys. they must love me by now, haha.

one of my dogs is so sick, my poor baby.

id theft fucked my day up big time.

you can almost see the wizard behind the curtain

i'm scared. i've been dizzy non-stop for almost a month now, and i'm constantly getting headaches. my short-term memory has become non-existent, along with my attention span. i'm really scared of what could be wrong with me. maybe i need to see a psychaitrist, i dunno. i'm just so scared because i've never had problems like these before. the memory thing is the most terrifying because i will go to do something, and immediately forget what i was supposed to do. i may remember it 5 minutes later if i think, but its hard and scary. this isn't supposed to be happening to a (almost) 21-year-old.

thanks boys for the fabulous early birthday gifts- foile a deux 14 days before my birthday, and the december cover of ap? all you guys gotta do is come back to nyc, and things will be perfect.

my boys soon. i need them, i need to harrass them and have mr. ross be a creeper and stare, haha. i love them though, i need their show to cheer me up. my panicversary is coming up soon, 2 years since i first saw them live, and 3 since i heard the cd and fell in love.

you're an angel, you little devil

my alk3 show was the greatest night ever. i was barricade, they played "i lied my face off", "crawl", and "this could be love", and omg, just so amazing. i sang every word and had the biggest smile on my face. the show was drama free, and none of the cunts were there, that was lovely.

i've lost ftsk for good, and it makes me insanely sad. i miss being sung to on the barricade, and being recognized, i love them, and they're no longer mine.

its been fun, we were fucked up and numb

i'm just so depressed. all i've been doing is sleeping, and i haven't done any work. and stress eating, oh boy today was bad. 2,500 calories of mcdonald's are in my body right now, and it feels gross. i miss the power that i had from not eating. simply amazing. not like i ever lost anything, my body is so fucked up.

i just feel so hopeless. with my family life, friend drama, and of course, boy drama. i hate that i can't find a boy, and i'm too shy to speak to anyone.

i need my alk3 show. drama free, and amazingness will occur.

breathe out, so i can breathe you in

last night was amazingly epic. I SAW THOSE LOOKS MR. ROSS. bden spilling his beer and being a cute little drunk. both of us rocking out to rock band and singing along to 90's songs 'cause that's how we roll. and both of us singing along to "everlong"? simply perfect.

oooh tonight. so you're back with her, but yet you guys still fought.

go ahead and cry yourself to sleep

they're fighting again, surprise, surprise. i hate this, i can't do anything right. i breathe and he yells at me. i've wanted to cry for hours now. i hate being home, i can't be around him anymore. my mom and i are so upset, even the littlest, stupidest things set him off.

i need someone to talk to. this isn't enough, i need a real person. keeping it all bottled up is starting to get to me. the last time this happened, i began cutting. and he was the cause of it the last time, what a surprise. and i'm about to again. i haven't done it for 2 years, and i feel like i need to right now.

hey moon, please forget to fall down

i finally listened to a skylit drive again. it took me 3 months because they made me think of you. how coincidental that i listened to them the day that you posted that bulletin that made my heart break. you are one of the nicest, sweetest people that i know, don't think otherwise.

lol@you. i laughed when you told me what happened. i don't care if i'm a bitch, but you had that coming.

karma is a bitch, isn't it ladies?

where were you when I needed you most?

FUCK YOU, YOU FAT CUNT. HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM???? SERIOUSLY. I TOLD THAT TO 2 FRIENDS, AND POSTED IT IN A FRIENDS-ONLY LJ, DID YOU THINK THAT I WASN'T GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO IT WAS?? it took me all of 5 minutes to figure out it was you. get a fucking life you asshole.

oh i am so pissed that i'm shaking.

forever a lake-effect kid

i'm so mad right now. that little fucking wannabe hipster cunt deserves to be punched in her face, so i can break her ugly bug-eye dior sunglasses. you're not the only one affected by this change. i joined the class because i asked if i could, its not my fault she moved everyone into it. and we all suck? sweetie, you ain't perfect either. i don't understand why you hate me, i've never given you a reason to, and now i want to hurt you.

i can't do anything right.

summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel

i think my parents are on the brink of separation. they keep on fighting, money being the main issue. they make so much money, yet we're struggling to pay bills because my mother falls behind, and buys useless things from the shopping channels. now its not like i'm not a part of it because she still gives me money and buys me things, but i've been using more and more of my money so i don't mooch as much. i just hate this, their 22nd anniversary is this month, and i'm beginning to doubt that they will make it to their 23rd.

what a shame we all became such fragile, broken things

my parababies are now double platinum. i can't believe that, i began listening to them about 2 1/2 years ago, and i never dreamed of them getting to be this big. i do wish i could rewind to last may and relive that show with a venue with just 500 other people that love them as much as i do. my heart means so much to me, and the new verison was amazing.

i almost began crying when jm played "dark blue" because i immediately thought of that asshole. we quoted it to each other the first night we first began talking to each other. when i realized that, i was tearing up and it felt like i had a hole ripped in my chest. i tried to not think of him, but it was so hard.

i hate my college.

then we'll turn it up and we'll play a little faster

year 4, here we go. i'm so blah about this year starting, i could honestly care less. i'm not nervous or excited at all. it better be a good one.

the cfob mix is amazing. the paul revere jumpsuit apparatus needs to come here right now and play nearly witches just for me. and it took 4 listens, but i'm finally getting into the new tai cd. its like they found the middle ground between santi and almost here. some songs are reminiscent of the earlier cds, but others are just a whole new sound.

beware! cougar! is a situation reversed.

we must reinvent love

madness is best when undefined. if they can't understand it, don't explain it to them. and the new song is superb.

am i evil? i checked his myspace, and they broke up. it gave me... some sort of satisfaction to see that.

i am a citizen for our betterment, and its time to make a change in this world.

left for dead, in the sun rotting

sometimes, i disgust myself. 6 year age difference, and yet, i'm still insanely attracted to him, ugh.

i need to forget about you.

the little things, little things made me who i am today

i'm on the cusp of my 4th year of college. its hard to believe i've come this far, and lived this long.

starting to have thoughts of self-infliction again. putting a knife under my skin and slicing; skinning myself alive. i'm so fucked up.

i'm becoming disgusted by food. my thoughts are "that looks like a bug" or whatever, and its keeping me from eating. i wish i could look inside my head to see what exactly is going on in there.

sometimes i wish there was a way to view my dreams after i have them. i hate remembering fragments and trying to piece them together.

good charlotte last tuesday made my life. i've been a fan for over 7 years, and i don't think i've been that emotional at a show. i screamed, i sang, and i cried, it was amazing. especially because i was on the barricade.

i want to go back to that gorgeous place so badly. i keep on thinking of how pretty and peaceful it was, and how the water was the same color blue as the sky, and there was nothing in the horizon except for the ocean.

its not what good girls do

every time i become hopeful, it all dies. fucking engaged. ENGAGED.

i'm 20, i should be with the boy i'm gonna marry by now. i'm so pathetic. never been kissed, never dated, always have been the friend, nothing more. and yet i'm terrified of a relationship.

as far as you're concerned, the next breath that you take should be underwater

you. who the fuck did you blow to get up there? you're disgusting, and i hate you and all of your friends.

i'm sure they were all pissed at us for getting in way before them, and all because we made a new friend, and didn't have to blow anyone.

today was magical. amazing bands, and a pretty much private area to meet people, uninterrupted by fangirls, it was lovely.

and seeing max bemis from say anything walk past us, taking off his shirt?! holyfuckingshit. his pants were sooooo low, and it was pretty much the hottest thing ever.

awake and unafraid

reconnecting with someone that i haven spoken to in 5 years. i was head over heels for him, got over him, and now he finds me of all people on facebook. its strange how he finds me the first day he has the profile, and no one else. and he hasn't changed a bit.

smoking again. all for you bden bby. its starting to scare me with how much i'm obsessed with you, i joke a lot, but i'm starting to scare myself.


"if you mess with me, then you will have to answer to my friends" don't fuck with my friends, ever. you asshole, wait until saturday, you will get fucking abused by a bunch of girls.

hey, come back to me

stop confusing me. whatever this chick is, you're with her, and yet you continue with the pet names... i hate you right now, you asshole =]

i don't want my babies to get huge. last night was fun, just standing in the middle of an nyc street with them. and singing with greta was amazing. ths are the perfect way to start off my summer.

warped is going to be crazy. yelling at ftsk, cobra stalking, haiiiiii beckett, sidestage for alesana- could it be any better??

stay right here, i'll be back for you someday

seeing all of the pictures and videos from the shoot are just rubbing salt on the wound.

174/175 right now, lightest i've been in awhile. i'm starting to skip meals again, i think my ed is coming back, but i'm not doing a thing to make it go away.

you called me sweetie. these pet names are just killing me. and you looked damn good today.

honey, I think that i'm friends with bands? lmao. take a look in the mirror, you're talking about yourself. i'm not friends with any bands, i just have a great connection to one.

for what its worth, it doesn't hurt, don't cry.

i'm so upset right now. we get kicked out of the video shoot, the fucking TRAINED DANCERS who had confirmations, and yet those fucking bitches stayed? who lied about their age and snuck in??????? this is so not fair, i want to cry, throw up, and kill someone. this was supposed to be my video, my moment, not theirs. i was supposed to show off and get noticed, launch my career, not get sent onto the fucking street.

easily one of the worst days ever.

thank god it wasn't a video for my favorite song, otherwise i'd be in even worse shape right now.

live young, die fast

the new alk3 cd is so amazing. no matter how much i love my fbr bands, alk3 will always be my favorite.

you're power-tripping you cunt. calm down... unlike you, i have a job and a life outside of the internet, so i can't devote as much time as you can, and i forget to reply to my messages. don't flip out on me. i'm thisclose to saying fuck you and quitting.

thank god i still have this blog to write on, otherwise i'd go mad.

i wanna breakdance ,yeah, i wanna get down with you

drama and lies. that's what my weekend was filled with. l, i love ya, and you didn't deserve the drama and gossip.

thanks for not even bothering to call me to tell me that you couldn't come today. at least i was able to pour my anger and frustration out onto that stage, and done that dance probably the best i have ever done it because of you. too bad you weren't even there to see it. i really wanted you to be there to cheer me on and see how amazing i am. i go to all of your shows, and you can't even go to mine- especially when i was getting you in for free?!

best show ever tonight. i just fed off of the energy of the crowd, and it was amazing. a few fuck ups, but it was easily the best show. especially the chair dance... the crowd was just insane during that and that definitely pumped me up and kept me going. i loved that dance, it let me be a character that i'd never thought i'd be.

another video shoot next week. i'm going to be fucking famous.

i laughed myself to sleep

still confused over him, what else is new?

so much drama, its sickening. stupid, lying-two faced children. i just want this weekend to be over with already. and hey, we're the best, we were together and looked amazing.

i've stopped sleeping.

and you scream confessions at the insipid sky-parting clouds

these pet names that you call me are driving me nuts. i love it when you call me sweets and love, but do you mean them?

aww, my dogs are spooning, how cute.

fata are breaking up, no one knows how much that is upsetting me. fan since 02, and i only got to see them once.

i think it's safe to say you're deadly in your own way

i don't sleep anymore.

you confuse me so much. am i your friend, or do you like me as more than one? please let me know, stop confusing me.

i wish i could go back to this time last year and re-do the friendships that i "made", then i wouldn't have become involved with you assholes.

you gotta give a little, but it takes a lot to get over you

i hope that my horoscope continues to be right.

i'll be there for you if you need me on friday, i promise.

you're everything to me

he hasn't talked to me since tuesday. i'm afraid that i fucked it up somehow, but how?

honestly though, our connection isn't as good as it was. i don't like his random bouts of immaturity, he occasionally acts 10 years younger than he is. and i just don't know what to say anymore.

to the other boy- do you like me? i'm getting such mixed signals from you. the phone call, the looks, that hug- you confuse me so much. i guess i'll have to wait and see with you.

wishing, wanting, yours for the taking

i just saw a picture of him kissing this chick, and its not bothering me at all. last week, i would have been hysterically crying, but now, i could care less. its because of this boy, he's amazing. i still can't believe this is happening. i've never felt like this before, and its wonderful

oh no, i've said too much, i haven't said enough

so amazing. i'm enthralled by you. i've never got along so well with someone before. this could be the start of something so amazing. we read each other so well, its scary. he's so brilliant, i love talking to him.

i am the queen of education finals. and i hate math with a firey passion.

hey moon, please forget to fall down

you're making me physically ill right now. i want to cry, scream, vomit, pull my hair out, and cut. so deeply it doesn't stop bleeding. i haven't felt like this in years, why are you doing this to me now? i'm finally happy, and you're ruining it.

i'll destroy this useless heart, i'll fuck it up so it'll never beat again

he's so perfect. i'm just so attracted to him, physically, and mentally, if that makes any sense. he's so smart, and he's nerdy, which i adore. he listens to the most amazing music, and loves horror, like i do.

this could be the start of something amazing, let's hope that i don't fuck it up.

guilt by association

so i met this boy. he's unlike any boy i've ever met. he's cute, really smart, funny, and so sweet. i'm so nervous, i keep on staring on the paper with his number on it, like its going to call itself. let's hope that i don't fuck this one up.

oh alcohol, how do i love thee and your powers of bringing people together.

So tired and oh so squeamish, did you get what you deserve?

thursday... amazing. my boo spotted me from the stage, i can't wait to see him again. they didn't screw up my song, which was a surprise, haha. and BUBBLES! and i love my k, she's the raddest girl that i know. no drama, just my best.

tonight was epic. the black parade is over, you can all go home now. i felt like i was in high school again when they did "i'm not okay", that cd was my life senior year. and tbs were actually good, haha. and i almost cried during "famous last words" because that's my song.

l and i are evil. but its okay, they deserve it.

you and me, 7/12. i can't fucking wait.

hold me hold me if i learn to...

this weekend was what i needed. good bands and good friends. and random meetings with bands, haha. and i cried during the starting line, i'll miss them.

tonight. omg. epic. i got to meet my other writing idol. many smiles were exchanged during the show. and we're couple of the year.

i hate you guys. that was fucking creepy. i'm her friend, and i had to explain all of you to her, and she doesn't like you guys either. i can't believe you guys followed us, you have fucking problems.

and honey, stop lying and changing your story, we saw you there the whole show.

stop asking, keep dancing

i live for this weekend. pure freedom. just music and friends, that's all i need. no worries, just good times.

incognito is the way to go. we'll show that skank that you're his now. and we're gonna have such a rad time together on sunday.

got over the procrastination, kind of. semester is almost done, lets hope i don't crack

i should have known better than to call you out

may 4th. may 5th. may 7th. may 8th. that week shall be epic. good band and good friends.

you irritate me beyond belief. i know your little game, and i can play it right back. and if i have it, i'll give it to someone that i actually like, and not to you.

revenge shall be so sweet.

it is pathetic when a grown woman acts like a child. grow up and stop blaming us. just because we're young doesn't mean that we're dumb.

hi there end of semester procrastination, how have you been? overdue paper, and a paper due tonight, this is great.

i have found my absolute favorite place in the world. its not nyc, but its beautiful. its sunny and gorgeous, and the water is so blue, i love it there. i felt so happy and relaxed, i didn't want to leave.

i sat in a window and watched the ocean every night last week. the simple movement of the moonlight water is so peaceful and inspiring.

you clicked your heels and wished for me.

i'm so confused. i have this feeling of longing, but i don't know what i want. or who i want. well i want someone that is practically untouchable, and the other, i don't know how to talk to him. i'm scared of rejection, and i don't know what i want. its not love, i don't know what it is.

one month.

congrats girl, i'm so happy for you two.

and you know that you feel it too

stress stress stress. that's all i feel. i don't want to grow up. i don't want to be responsible. i don't want to work. i want to marry a rich guy and not have to do a thing.

fucking cunts. you create drama over stupid shit. you say that the drama is done, and then you do something dumb. oh, and what you did yesterday was so dumb, and you didn't even do it right because we realized that it was you cunts that did it. real brilliant. and i'm sure if i went, there would've been more.

may needs to come right now.

& like each day I love you more. today more than yesterday and much less than tomorrow

i need to learn how to have faith in myself. to push myself more. i know i'm capable of doing things, but i don't believe in myself and constantly berate myself. i know i can dance well. i know i'm smart when i do my work, but i don't believe in myself and let that bring me down and make everything suffer. and i feel so happy when i accomplish things, and i want that feeling to last.

i can't wait to see our finished product, its going to be the raddest thing ever.

we're all too small to talk to god

drifting away from some, and getting closer to others. the ones i'm drifting from have been dragging me down since i've met them, i'm done with them and their bullshit.

you girls are the fakest people i know. the second someone is gone, you talk about them. you all use each other to get to shows and meet people, and its not right. one day you'll all be fucked over, and you'll know how it feels.

yay for good friends and good bands. and good friends in good bands that chill with fans between sets.

things are shaping up to be pretty odd

"that green gentleman (things have changed)" has been stuck in my head since saturday. the chorus just applies itself so well to my current situation that i keep on singing it.

my doctor is making me take a diet pill. i feel like i've failed myself, i lost 25lbs 2 years ago on my own, and then gained it right back. i know i can do it, but my body just won't. i feel like a fake, like i won't be earning the loss. however i keep on thinking of how hot i'll look at the next show when i'm chilling with the band, and that will be awesome.

we're getting closer, and i'm so happy. i love that you trust me so much to tell me these things about you guys. for all you know, i could be one of those girls that shittalks all over the web, but i'm not, and i'm so glad that you trust me. i can't wait until we chill this weekend.

my brain voice is starting to scare me =/

we are broken.

oh fuck.

things have changed for me, but that's okay

ohlordy. where do i begin? beatboxing. new songs. disney and boybands. brain voice. parenthesi. guitar picks. barricade for the disco. dancers on the next tour, lol. dancing on the barricade like i've never danced before. singing and meaning every word.

if you have something to say, say it to my face. i would've moved if you didn't make such a big deal over it. grow up and act your age. and don't talk about me, and then be my best friend 5 minutes later, i'm not that naive.

sick night with some amazing girls. i'm so glad that i finally realized who my real friends are. l, c, and k, i love you guys. thank you for making it bearable, despite all of the drama and stupid people that like to intrude on private conversations.

i wish things would go back to the way they were. no drama, no fighting, just a bunch of kids going to shows together and having a great time. and it was all for nothing, we were all in the front anyway, but i wish there wasn't any drama.

when the moon fell in love with the sun

my mind is going a mile a minute, that information got me so angry. this chick doesn't deserve the shit that's spoken about her. she's such an amazing, sweet, kind person, and they're still together. i'll do anything for my friends, you fuck with them, you fuck with me. so leave her alone before i have to smack someone.

hey, its not all about you. get a life outside of the internet, k, thnx.

i danced in the snow before and i felt so free and happy.

if you wanna play it like a game, well come on, come on, let's play

these words are my weapons. i write instead of fight, its the only way to get anyone to listen to me. i hide behind this screen, taking full advantage of anonymity, but one day its going to backfire on me.

wednesday= amazing, but saturday shall be even better. sidestage? oh yes.

But repetition ends in failure

old feelings have recently resurfaced because of you. i attempt to flirt, but i don't think i'm doing it right. please like me, please please please. i need someone so badly.

your fave piercing orly? well bby, your newest one is one of my faves.

WEDNESDAY. bitch, if you lay a finger on him, i swear i'll push you into 7th avenue.

don't be so hard on yourself

so this week i:
hung out with a band
got sang to
ruined my $150 boots
made plans to make someone jealous
saw my childhood idols

its been a good week.

i still can't believe that i saw the spice girls. they put on one of the best live shows i've ever seen. they sounded perfect, they actually sang! it was hit, after hit, after hit, and they played "the lady is a vamp", which is one of my favorite songs. i idolized them when i was a child, and to see them onstage was just so surreal. i choreographed my first dance ever to "spice up your life", so they had an influence on my style and musicality.

you stupid lying bitch. stop trying to get shit from people, we've all figured out your little game and refuse to play along with it. i can't wait for wednesday, you'll get what you deserve.

we came alone and we left together

i hate the scene. its no longer about the music, its about the extensions, skinny jeans, and bright colors. everyone competes to be the first to hear about the latest trend, and bashes those that were there before them. its a ridiculous competition. i don't want scene points, i want a good show with good friends.

don't even get me started on the hair. some people can pull off "scene" hair, but most can't.

and i'm not saying that i don't care about fashion, i just bought a very "scene" top that i plan on wearing tonight. but people need to stop caring so much about their ugly, mismatching outfits, and more about the music.

i'm over you now, i'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

a friend of mine died the other night. i'm still in shock, i knew her for 9 years. she helped me get through a hard time in junior high, and she was a great friend. i don't think i can handle going to her wake, i can't look at her in that casket. its so hard to believe that i won't run into her at her job or talk to her on myspace. 20 is way too early to be gone. i still can't process it, i opened up the paper and screamed when i saw her beautiful face. its just... like not going through. i have so many memories of just being silly with her and enjoying life. i still can't believe it... i just can't.

she was drinking tea out in a garden

all of this drama is pointless. some people need to grow the fuck up and start acting their age, not the sum of the numbers that make up their age.

we're as low as they are. but it felt so, so good.

2/20 and 5/7 will be amazing. barricade is definite, and its just going to be amazing.

wow, referring to people but not saying who they are is so fucking cool. you dumb bitch, anyone that reads a certain lj comm would know who you're talking about.

my preschoolers make me yearn for those days.

we're picking up things we shouldn't read.

sorry i felt the need to voice my opinion. i thought it was a "place for friends", not a place for cunts that have nothing better to do than mock people. unlike you guys, i actually go to school and have a job, so i can't sit on my fat ass and wait to be able to buy a ticket the way you guys can.

unlike you guys, i'm actually in it for the music, not their looks. genuine fans>stupid whores.

revenge can be sweet if it happens.

being grown up isn't half as fun as growing old

i don't want to grow up. i don't want to be responsible. i don't want a career or a real job. i just want to dance and go to shows without a care in the world. i'll never be able to relive these years, i need to take advantage of this while i still can and hold onto my memories.

cobra impressed me again. suarez is my man. and the cab are the cutest boys ever.

i don't fucking believe that you got into vip. and that picture of you, him, and his gf? fucking weird, you're not going to be his new gf. ever.

party queens, if you wanna be scene, take a shit where you sleep and smile real wide for the pap-pap-pap-pap-paparazzi everywhere

so much drama. everyone talks behind each other's backs, can't we all just get along? someone steps out of the room for one second, and everyone starts talking about them. its like high school all over again.

its a cobralicious week. pies, parties, fuckups, its been good so far. i'm so proud of them for being on trl, and i love me some guy ripley... delicious.

hey cuntrag, he has a girlfriend so "step the fuck off his jock". gabe wrote about sluts like you when he wrote "scandalous". and nice how you use me for shit and then ignore me. i'm done with you and your games. you're fucked on friday, we will have the front of that stage and you won't be anywhere close to him.

i don't wanna grow up. i don't want to have a career. i just want to dance, take pictures, and go to shows.

this is just word vomit. every word that i say (type?) is meaningless.

makes you wonder

i hate these 3am bedtimes. i start getting those thoughts that i push to the back of my mind during the day.

uriegate '08 is full of win. i hate stupid scenequeens and their inability to utilize proper spelling and grammar.

i get to keep my scholarship, so that's one less thing that i have to worry about.

photo-proofed kisses I remember so well

drank a lot last night. 2 mikes hard lemonades and a tea one. i almost had a fourth. they started going down like water, i started feeling numb, and i loved it. i welcomed in 2008 with a drink while everyone else made out with each other, i didn't feel as lonely with that.

i went outside after the ball dropped because my friend did, and i wished on a star. i felt so hopeful while i didn't, i haven't felt that way in a long time. maybe that's a sign that this year will be different.