sweetie, you had me

i can never be happy, can i? i'll always be that girl that practically shares a brain with you because we're so similar, but will just be your friend. i'm weird, i'm strange, i'm unstable, but i'm better than any girl you'll ever have. can't you see that i want to be more than a friend?

merry fucking christmas to me. ending it in tears. tears of jealousy? saddness? i have no clue anymore how i feel. i'm such a mess of jumbled emotions, i don't know where one ends, and another begins.

no guy will ever see me more as just a friend. am i doomed to be alone forever? 21 soon, and definitely not invincible.

honey is for bees, silly bear

thank god this semester is finally over. this was the first time that i actually began to doubt myself as a student. i was told by 2 professors that i should drop their courses, but i stuck through it. i don't know if that was a good, or bad decision. i'll find out when i get my grades, but i hope i made the right choices. i have never felt so hopeless and ready to give up, i spent too many days crying over these classes and their ridiculous assignments.

this time next year, i'll be preparing for my graduation. and then what? i don't really want to teach, but it is my major. i feel like i'm not creative enough to come up with lessons and activities each day, and i don't think that i'm capable of teaching. i want to spend my days dancing, and marry that boy, who has enough money to support me so i no longer have to worry about having a real job. i can dream, can't i?

i feel like i need to pull my head out of the clouds, and realize what i need to do with my life. enough fucking around, did i choose a major that i want, or did i make the wrong decision? i need to open my eyes and see my options with guys, i feel like i'm shutting myself in, and may not see what could be right in front of me.

but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

keep my fucking name out of your mouth, and off of your myspace. got it?!

drama free for months, and now this shit starts again. i can live without it, can't you?

i've forgotten how to sing

fucking pissed right now. that professor is such a douchebag, i fucking took a chance and did a badass job on that report and you were the one that told us to divide the work, so i obviously couldn't write about something that i didn't do.

last night was epic besides stupid fat shittalkers and lack of my boys. gaskarth officially loves my friend, and i'm pretty sure that the fangirls wanted to kill us.

also, we have the most ridiculous lives. shit happens to us that doesn't happen to anyone else, and i love it. thursday is gonna be ridiculous.

also, happy folie a deux day. its a madness that is now all over the world.

but what makes you so special???

w.a.m.s. is our song. you've been putting my head in such a flurry for years now. i hope they play that tomorrow night.

midnight show?? i guess that's for the kids like us that stay up late and think too much.

almost done. i can do this, i think. i feel like i need more time in a day to get my work done. i'll sleep when i'm dead.

doing lines of dust and sweat off of last night's stage

i finally have blogging on the go, fuck yes.

thank you. see you boys on Monday!!

i'm scared of myself.

detox just to retox

holy shit. this cd is epic. they're back, and i love it. some songs are kind of "ehhh", but there aren't any that i skip (unlike pretty. odd.). each song is just amazing. "20 dollar nose bleed" is easily my favorite song, musically. its so much fun, despite the fact that it is essentially about Benzadrine. it makes me sad to think that this may be their last cd, but i love it.

so fucking sad i can't go on tuesday. i haven't been to a real fob show since july 7th of last year. all of the shows that i've been to since then were tapings for tv shows, so 1.5-3 songs, that's it. i need a real show, with singalongs, tears, and dancing, just like my first show. it pisses me off that other people that are just in it for the looks are going, they don't deserve to call themselves fans. '03-forever boys, just remember that.

finally on a weight loss medicine. i feel like i'm a failure. i enjoy the injections too much, i love stabbing myself 2x a day, i really do. it feels so good when i put the needle in. my benzadrine.

sometimes, my life makes me laugh. a lot. shit happens to me that happens to no one else, and sometimes its so ridiculous.