you shine brighter than anyone does

i can't fucking win. my mouth got me into major trouble at school because i trashed my bio professor on rate my professor, and i sprained my ankle really badly, and because of it, i had to go to the hospital. i'm so stressed, sick, and exhausted, and this is the icing on the fucking cake.

and i have no fucking privacy on the internet. every goddamn thing i type on there is going to be fucking monitored because of my stupid mouth.


now i have to try and take a shower with this ankle, this should be fun.

i'll let you whip me if i misbehave

street tap tomorrow, fuck yes. <3

i had irish step tonight, it was fun, the best part of it was seeing my girlies- i missed them all, especially l!

god i fucking love the kill, but i'm in too much pain to dance to it. my legs are so fucking sore from irish step.

my modern class is filled with little children, its horrible. its me, then l and a few others that are her age (16), and then the rest are 12-8! i need to be in the advanced class just so i dont feel so old. but im still not the tallest, lol, some of them are taller than me.

took ballet yesterday after i finished working just so i could make up my class that i had missed (i couldn't go because i was working at the other studio), it was fun, i like having s as a ballet teacher, she's good.

in my wednesday class we did fosse jazz to "sexyback", it was awesome, i hope we do it in the show. i love that song, and its a dance that we can have fun with.

i'm just so happy to be back at dance, i missed it hardxcore.

in your eyes, i lost my faith

a girl in my history of modern india class had a seizure in the middle of the lecture. we got the ambulance to come and get her, but it got me thinking of how short life is. do i really want to kill myself, do i really want to starve, develop all of the health problems that go along with having an eating disorder, fuck my knees up more by dancing? yes i do, i think about suicide everyday, and if i develop the health problems, i feel like i am a "real" anorexic for some reason, starving seems to be the only thing that clears my head, and if dancing is the only thing that kepps me sane, i'll keep on doing it even though i'll probably need surgery by the time i'm 35.

the used makes me happy, and this song makes me think of v2.

you know those stupid surveys where you put in someone's name, your favorite number, whatever, and they tend to be semi-accurate, but i did one that my friend sent me, and it was scarily accurate. there was a part where you put in songs, and here are the songs i put in, and what they mean:
7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE
PERSON IN NUMBER 3 (the person in 3 was v2, and according to the survey, he's the one i love!!) "my blue heaven"- taking back sunday ("oh i'm just asking you to hear me, could you please just once just hear me" which to me is basically pay attention to me!!)

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE
PERSON IN 7 (the person in 7 was this guy, v1, and according to the survey, i like him, but our relationship cannot work out, which is true, he's way too smart for me) "emergency"- paramore (this one was weird and scary!)

9. THE 10 TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT
YOUR MIND "time to dance (demo)"- panic! at the disco (mmmhmm, that's true)

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE "cute without the e (cut from the team)"- taking back sunday ("which would you prefer- my finger on the trigger or mid-face dumbed down across the floor?")

weird, huh?

will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?

i loathe people that think anorexics and pro-anas want to "recruit" people and draw girls into our web, i got into an argument with someone in the comments section of theskinnywebsite.com over that. and i'm not pro-ana, i'm not sure what i am. but i wish people would check out sites such as ceruleanbutterfly.com and educate themselves about pro-ana, anorexia, all that stuff instead of making ridiculous statements. and the girl making these was such a dumb, mean, bitch. and she spelled my fucking name wrong, and she didn't even read my whole comment because she called me an "ignorant pro-ana", even though i never said i was pro-ana, i believe that anorexia is both a disease and a lifestyle because it develops over time, and it becomes part of your life, like any other disease. i'm an asthmatic and it is a part of my life, and i view my ed that way.

dance starts wednesday, and christmas show tryouts are tomorrow, i think. i'm nervous about trying out, but i know that i'm definitley in street tap. i can't wait to go back to dance because i miss moving across that floor, feeling free, laughing, having a good time, and even tripping over that hole in the floor (which has been fixed!). and i get to see v2 on saturday, if my biffle's sorority is having a party, i'll invite him because when he gets wasted, he turns into such a whore. but he's still hot.

oo, i want a hot pink ipod nano, maybe i'll get one when my pink mini dies. or maybe an apple green nano, that color is super pretty!

now i need to read 80 pages of gandhi for my history of modern india class, this should be fun.

what if i wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life?

school is better, my classes are ok.

fucking gorgeous british boy was chilling with his friends by the building that i have my theater class in, i HAVE to find out who he is, if he is single, if he is straight, and what his myspace is.

i'm taking hip-hop/breakdancing, my studio is offering it (we've always had hip-hop, but never breaking), and its being taught by one of the male contestants from so you think you can dance?, and i hope its one of the hot ones.

v2 better have his hot ass at the studio on saturday, i can't wait until the 23rd to see him.

i'm fucking insane.

what's the worst that i could say??

i'm really pissed at certain people. i was at my biffle's house today for a bbq, and 3 girls that live across the street came over. the 2 oldest i've always had a problem with, the oldest made fun of me soooo much when i was in intermediate school, and the other one said to my biffle "does shannon hate you? because she's never over your house." um its called having a life you little cunt, maybe if you were actually in school, then you would know what its like to have one. the youngest is awesome, i love her to death. so we were talking about tattoos and stuff, and the middle one and i got into an argument about where I should get MY tattoos done (i got an idea for a new one- "what's the worst that i could say?" on my lower back in red ink).

maybe i don't want to get my tattoo done at studio enigma because THEY SUCK!! me and l both got our cartilidage done there, and they were both messed up, but when i went to tattoo mania for my tragus, it healed so well!! your tattoo is fucking ugly, and you're a piece of trash.

and you. don't you talk down to my brother like that. yes, he's autistic, but that doesn't make him a fucking moron!! he doesn't fully understand the concept of cliques, he doesn't know much about girls, i know he comes out with stupid shit, but that's why you humor him, not talk down to him and go "but why do you want to become goth? you should be your own person!" in a condesending tone, like he's fucking 5 years old. to him, a "goth" is someone that dresses in all black, he doesn't understand cliques, and its not your job to explain them to him. so stop talking to him like he's 5. and i heard you call me a bitch, but its none of your business if i ask him to stop doing something. maybe i asked him to stop because he's been lectured numerous times on doing that!! so don't call me a bitch when i'm trying to stop him from acting like an ass!!
and he's also way smarter than you'll ever be, and you're not god's gift to writing, you're an immature drama queen. you're going to be 20 and yet you act like you're 12. i hate you with a passion, i hope that the next time the dog headbutts you, that you get an injury more severe than a cut gum.

i love one of my pals, 'cause she doesn't like those 2 either, but we have no problem with the youngest, she rocks.

"we turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they may teach us how not to need."

i bought a shirt with the names of various supermodels on it with hopes that it will "thinspire" me. ha, like there is anything that can help me. i saw an emaciated woman walking past me when i was walking to a restaurant with my friends the other day, and even though i had green tea and a salad, i wound up buying a giant bag of m&ms later that evening.

mmm, bam margera. i'm watching the vmas because i missed them the other night, and i really want to see fall out boy accept the viewers choice award because i love pete. ahh, "because of you", its a modern song!! oh why the fuck is peter wearing a cape?? well he looks hot in it, he's totally pimping it.

so i started classes on wednesday, i hate them already. i'm one of the smartest people in my math class, which is scary, history of india seems boring as fuck, i'm in waaay over my head in spanish, and i'm one of 3 non-theater majors in history of theater (the other 2 are my friends that are twin sisters, we've been pals since we were 4), so while everyone else has brilliant answers, we have shitty ones. its so weird that i'm a sophomore, i never thought that i would live this long, i thought that i would've killed myself or wound up in a mental institution by now.

i wish ernesto caused more destruction.