what's this, there's something very wrong!

the nightmare before christmas is one of my favorite movies, i wish disney would make it into a musical so i could be in it. but i can't be sally, i'm too fat.

so true. i wish i had the balls to send something in to post secret. maybe i will one day.

everytime we touch, i get this feeling

and everytime we kiss i swear i can fly

i love cascada, but her songs make me feel like i'll never be happy. i've never had a relationship, i have zero experience with guys, and the guys that like me, i don't like back. i have a disturbing crush on my tap teacher, and he has a girlfriend.

so the sleepover was tonight. once again i was ignored by my class because they hate me, and even though i know this, i still fucking follow them and try to chill with them. they're my top friends on myspace, even though i know they hate me, what the fuck is wrong with me?? i just can't accept the fact that they hate me. and then the power went out at 11:30pm (like 25,000 people on staten island lost power, for the 2nd day in a row!!), so we all had to go home. a shitty end to a shitty program. now i loved the guest teachers we had, but i can't take sitting there wanting to slit my wrists because my classmates hate me.

hollywood hills and suburban thrills

i hate to say this, but every day i wish my brother was normal, that he acted just like any other 15 year old kid. but no, he can't be, he knows what to say to almost make me cry in a restaurant and walk out of barnes and nobel. little fucker.

my mom scares me when she gets fustrated, we got ridiculously lost going to menlo park mall in nj and she started yelling in the car, and i was trying to calm her down and i couldn't, I felt so useless.

i am now the proud owner of pink chanel sunglasses, i just have to get perscription lenses put in them before i wear them, otherwise i'll walk into things.

sleepover at my dance studio tomorrow night, its to mark the end of the summer program. so its a night of pizza, junk food, and me sitting in a corner by myself because my whole class hates me and the only girls that talk to me are like 12. its going to be such a wonderful night...

tear my heart out

hey there, i'm s, i'm 18, and i live in staten island (gag), ny. dance is my life, my passion, the one thing that hasn't let me down. i do tap (broadway and hoofing), jazz, ballet, MODERN (IS LOVE!), hip-hop, and irish step. this is just a place for me to ramble and let out whatever is inside my head.

my head is very fucked up. i swear i'm bipolar, my brother is autistic so who knows if there is anything wrong with me. i used to cut during my junior year- and no, it wasn't to be cool, at first it was for the attention because i knew i needed help, and then when someone tried to help, i turned them away. i think about killing myself every day, and my head is just someplace that i don't like to be alone in.

i have a problem with food and eating. so a lot of this may be about my eating disorder (eating disorder- none other specified, i'm not a wannabe anorexic or anything like that. those girls deserve to get hit by a car), and my weight and crap.

in order for this to be as anonymous as possible, i have to refer to myself and my friends by our initials, so here is the guide:
s- me
e- best friend 1
r- best friend 2
m1- one of e's friends, she's now one of my biffles
m2- another one of e's friends, she's a dancer like me so we dance together in parking lots.
v1- guy i've liked forever
v2- my hot tap teacher that i've had a crush on for 4 years or so
l- my only dance homie
a- r's ex
mk- good friend of mine
k- a dumb, slutty, pathological liar that goes to my dancing school. i want her to fall off a cliff and die.
t- a friend of mine from high school.
y- a friend of mine from high school.
k- e's boyfriend.
r, p- k's brothers.

i'll add more people when i have to.

i may seem like every other messed up kid, but I'm not.