tear my heart out

hey there, i'm s, i'm 18, and i live in staten island (gag), ny. dance is my life, my passion, the one thing that hasn't let me down. i do tap (broadway and hoofing), jazz, ballet, MODERN (IS LOVE!), hip-hop, and irish step. this is just a place for me to ramble and let out whatever is inside my head.

my head is very fucked up. i swear i'm bipolar, my brother is autistic so who knows if there is anything wrong with me. i used to cut during my junior year- and no, it wasn't to be cool, at first it was for the attention because i knew i needed help, and then when someone tried to help, i turned them away. i think about killing myself every day, and my head is just someplace that i don't like to be alone in.

i have a problem with food and eating. so a lot of this may be about my eating disorder (eating disorder- none other specified, i'm not a wannabe anorexic or anything like that. those girls deserve to get hit by a car), and my weight and crap.

in order for this to be as anonymous as possible, i have to refer to myself and my friends by our initials, so here is the guide:
s- me
e- best friend 1
r- best friend 2
m1- one of e's friends, she's now one of my biffles
m2- another one of e's friends, she's a dancer like me so we dance together in parking lots.
v1- guy i've liked forever
v2- my hot tap teacher that i've had a crush on for 4 years or so
l- my only dance homie
a- r's ex
mk- good friend of mine
k- a dumb, slutty, pathological liar that goes to my dancing school. i want her to fall off a cliff and die.
t- a friend of mine from high school.
y- a friend of mine from high school.
k- e's boyfriend.
r, p- k's brothers.

i'll add more people when i have to.

i may seem like every other messed up kid, but I'm not.