in my head i'm treading water but my arms just collapse

sometimes i wonder if i should just give up. everything is testing me, and i’m over it. i’m miserable and lonely, and i can’t fix this. i can’t fix anything. why do i even bother developing these one-sided crushes. i never act on them, i always act like they will notice me, and decide they like me, like we’re children. no one will ever decide to date me. i’m an adult with zero relationship experience, no one wants to deal with that at this point in our lives. i’m going to be alone forever. i don’t know why i even bother anymore.