so this is the new year, and i don't feel any different

tonight got really fucked up, we didn't go to times square (which i'm so pissed about 'cause i was gonna see panic! again) because e's boyfriend didn't want us to meet him at his job and then go to times square, he wanted all of us to take the 4pm ferry over to the city, and since they closed the trains we would've had to walk a lot, so we didn't go. so instead we chilled at her bf's house with his hot brothers (the one i really like is 16... i feel like a fucking pedophile for thinking that he's hot) and watched jackass 2, ate pizza, played poker, and watched jackass2 again. then we crammed 7 of us into e's little car and went to a party. we didn't know anyone there, so we all chilled together. i took a shot of southern comfort with my friends, but that was it. my problem is that once i start drinking, i won't stop, i know this. watched the ball drop, and then we went outside to call/text people (v2 actually sent me a coherent happy new years text back- which means he wasn't trashed yet, lol), and once i came back in, the song that they had on was "go on" by taking back sunday, so that's the first song that i heard this year, which makes me happy. then someone broke a chandelier, so we bounced. we went back to e's bf's house and we all hung out and hid in his older brother's room when his mom got home, lol. we burrowed under the blankets, the younger brother laid on top of us, answered random questions, watched the boys wrestle, listened to good music, and then left our friend and e's bf's older brother alone so they could hook up. we wound up hanging out in e's bf's room, watching him and his cute younger brother play chess incredibly high, lol.

i was actually flirting with e's bf's younger brother, which is something that i rarely do. like after he got e and our friend to make out, we went back to go and sit and i went to sit in his chair, which was a computer chair that rolled. when i was running to sit in it and he was pulling it away from me, and i was trying to sit, and then he yanked it out and i wound up on the floor!! but he was sooooo cute, he felt so bad, i was like awwwwwwww. i smacked him playfully and then he gave me the seat, lol. and we were talking and i went to go back downstairs and i turned back to him and said something and i totally stuck my ass out a bit.

after the ball dropped, and i was outside texting people, it felt like the perfect night, i was standing there in jeans, a long sleeved tee, a tee shirt, and socks (my shoes were in the house), and i wasn't cold at all, it was absolutely perfect. and i was standing there, and i knew that this was my night to change for the better. this time next year i will be under 100lbs, with a boyfriend, and incredibly happy.