have some composure, where is your posture?

i think i'm about to break someone's heart.

oh good, he just asked me about hanging out. but i have no free time now, so i told him we would after christmas. maybe he'll forget about me by then. god, i'm such a hypocritical bitch, i'm fucking stalking v1 and then when a really sweet kid wants to chill with me i turn him down because i know i'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. i'm a fucking mess and i need to sort myself out before i get involved with someone. unless that someone is a mess like i am, although i don't think that would be good for either of us.

god i feel like a fucking bitch. he's so nice, and yet... i dunno. fuck. i may sign off now just so i can stop talking to him and not feel like a heartless bitch.

i need severe help.

i'm getting the urge to self inflict again, this time i want to burn myself with my hairstraightener because it has like comb teeth and i could dig them into my skin and just burn myself. oh god i need help.

save me.

i feel like i'm going to cry.