you can cry all you want to, i don't care how much

not in the show. v2 and i were talking and i suggested that i replaced this girl that got kicked out of the show because she didn't know the dance. so he gave me a spot in the new part and all we had to do was tell the owner of the school about this change. we're practicing and the owner of our school (no name because, um yeah, don't wanna get in trouble) watched us and she was yelling at us about things like timing (mine) and we're doing the dance for the like 8th time and she looks at me and goes "oh why am i getting so worked up? you're not in the show!" and i just... i dunno. i wanted to cry, i was full of jealousy and rage. i wanted to slit my wrists and cry. but at the same time, i was also relieved that i won't have to go through the stress of a show and practices during finals. but i really want to do the show, i want people to be like "omg, you're amazing". being told that i'm not in it just makes me feel like shit, like i'm the worst dancer ever. dancing is the only thing that i love, and being told that my timing is awful, i'm too stiff, it kills me. i almost started crying and i really wanted to find a pair of scissors and cut. old habits die hard.