life is so short. mk's dad died, e and i went to the wake. i almost cried, mk looked so sad, all we could do was hug him, there wasn't a thing that we could say to make him feel better. it made me think of how short life is, his dad was only 54, you really have to live each day to the fullest.
on that note, i purged for the first time in months. and then i ate ice cream and a 100 calorie pack, god, i'm so fucked up. and i just ate a roll with light mayo on it, what the fuck is going on?? and i actually like the "high" i get from purging, its not as hard to do as it used to be, this is baaaaaaad.
i feel like a fucking spoiled brat. my parents give me everything that i ask for, i'm going to be 19 and they still support me, meanwhile e now has to pay her parents rent, and her and r pay for everything themselves- cell phone, rent, insurance, ect while i pay for shit. and e is giving me a fucking coach bag for christmas... i feel like a horrible person. i can drop $200 on a bag without blinking an eye meanwhile this bag is like a whole paycheck.
its like sometimes all i want for christmas is to be happy. and happy, to me is to be 159 and have a boy. like that'll ever happen. i'm happy, but 80% of the time i'm just so depressed, and i think that maybe, just maybe if i'm at a healthy weight and have a boy that loves and respects me and that i can talk to about everything and not have any repercussions.
tonight is the night that i stay up late and do all of my spanish work that's been piling up all semester, study for my 2 finals and do a paper. can i do this? will i actually accomplish this? we'll see.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment